bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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