I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
