its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
