he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
