but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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