You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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