Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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