I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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