Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
