she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
