Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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