i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
