your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fuck appropriateness.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
