I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
