that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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