Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
