i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
