A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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