I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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