it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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