I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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