i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
