I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
