I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
