I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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