It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
