Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
