why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
