So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
