sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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