so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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