I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
