A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
