just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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