JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
