the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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