I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
