Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
