his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
babies were throwing up all over the place
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
