I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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