It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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