I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
