I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
