You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
