hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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