no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
