I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
