Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
