He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
