Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
