im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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