So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
