I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
