i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
